The world is full of odd people doing odd things. However, some behaviors are so bizarre that they fall into a different category of crazy. These Redditors share first-hand accounts of some of the most deranged acts they have witnessed. From doo-doo dancers to insane inmates, these stories will leave you shocked, speechless, and glad you were nowhere near any of these unhinged human beings.

1. Without Batting An Eyelash

I was an eye doctor. I remember one young lady who came in for a routine visit, but her eyelids were very swollen from her fake eyelashes. The adhesive was laid on THICK and was literally blocking her gland orifices, causing a massive infection of both eyelids. Despite the severe swelling, she didn’t seem particularly fazed.

It wasn’t even her reason for the visit. I looked at her under the lamp, then told her that those lashes were going to have to go. I turned around to grab some petroleum jelly and some Q-tips to work the adhesive clumps off slowly when I started hearing what sounded like Velcro being torn apart.

I turned around, and she ripped out both top lids of fake lashes, including every single natural lash she had. It was a startlingly clean job, and she just looked at me completely bald-eyed and said, “Okay, now what?” They were already infected and swollen, and now they were even more swollen and had a ton of ripped-off lash stumps.

So, I prescribed her antibiotics and told her that her lashes would probably grow back over the next few weeks.

OscarDivine

Deranged Doings UnleashedFlickr, Marco Verch Professional Photographer

2. She’s Gotta Go

I worked in an ICU. A patient was asked about their goals of care and if they wanted to be resuscitated. The patient said yes, but her daughter said no. The attending said, “Well, your mom is still competent, so we have to follow her wishes”.

The daughter pulled the doctor aside and said, “Why don’t you just give her some medications to put her to sleep? She won’t be competent, and then my word goes, and you pull the plug”.

There was silence for a while, and then the attending very slowly said, “No, we don’t do that”, and showed the daughter out of the room. The patient made it out of the hospital OK that time. I sometimes wonder how she did after that.

bobbi21

Deranged Doings UnleashedWikimedia Commons, SELF Magazine

3. A Terrible Point Of View

I once had a 3rd-floor apartment that was situated next to a four-story tall parking garage. I woke up one morning to an incredibly loud sound—like, a super loud—smacking noise. I looked out my balcony and saw a grisly scene that still haunts me.

There was a guy face down with bright red blood starting to pour out of his head; it was horrific. About 45 minutes later, my wife got home from her first trip to Mardi Gras with her friends, and I was white as a ghost. It was not exactly a nice way to be welcomed home.

The authorities put up a sheet around the scene, but we could see directly into it. They hosed this dude’s brain matter into a gutter, and a dark stain remained on the asphalt for weeks. It turned out the dude was on trial for some pedophilia-related charges.

He just randomly found my apartment complex to take his life because he’d been found guilty and was set to be sentenced that day. I would get the weirdest feeling when I’d have to park up where he jumped. Just knowing that was some person’s view for their last mortal moments on earth was intense and made me feel kind of nauseous and creeped out.

huxtiblejones

Deranged Doings UnleashedFlickr, Paul Hudson

4. Disco Dumb

I was In a nightclub in the late 80s, and a guy was sitting at a table on his own. He poured what he had left in his pint glass onto the floor, then took a bite out of the glass. The glass severed his top lip and then he sat there bleeding into the glass. There was a lot of blood—it was not pretty!

Cyber5c0u7

Deranged Doings UnleashedFreepik, master1305

5. Juggling Act

A girl I went to culinary school with suddenly started juggling her knives in the hall between classes in front of one of the chef instructors. She immediately had her eight-inch chef knife stuck three inches in the middle of her palm. The instructor just sighed, shook his head, and pushed the girl into the office to get her to the ER.

MissMpants

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6. Sowing The Seeds Of Something

I was sitting at a cafe once when a man sitting a few tables away from me locked eyes with me. Maintaining eye contact, he leaned over to the vase of pussy willow stems decorating the table and began munching on them. He just took a whole bite of the twig and fuzzy willow bud.

crospingtonfrotz

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7. Burned From Both Ends

I was in a restaurant kitchen in the middle of the busiest night of the year. Something went wrong, and the sous chef went BALLISTIC, screaming at some people. Then, he made a painful mistake: he reached over bare-handed into the blast oven and grabbed out two scorching hot bowls of baked soup. He ruined his hands and threw them into the window with the skin from his palms visibly stuck to it in places.

He immediately calmed down and walked off the line to treat his hands. He then came back out to try and direct from the front for a bit, then at some point, just went home without saying anything. He came back a week or two later, divorced from his wife.

McCheeseTruther

Deranged Doings UnleashedFreepik, wayhomestudio

8.  What A Crock!

I was at a house party. It was around 2am at the time, and things upstairs were starting to quiet down, but the party was still going on in the basement, with a few of us ripping bongs and having drinks. A buddy came downstairs, sat in the middle of our smoke circle in the middle of a couch, and turned the TV on to The Shopping Channel.

Fifteen minutes later, the guy took off his pants and started pleasuring himself while we were all around him. He didn’t stop when we freaked out, and people got up to leave. The dude was getting off to a slow cooker.

DadBodybuilder

Deranged Doings UnleashedPexels

9. Scary Sevens

I had a younger cousin who I was absolutely scared of when I was little. I refused to be alone with her and stopped tagging along on holidays in their area. She was the kind of kid who would pull out a box of crickets from under her bed to show me how she tore off their legs and put tacks through them.

Once, she cut my hair in my sleep during a sleepover and flattened her mom’s tire because she wouldn’t take us to a movie. She was only seven!

Junimo_Tea

Deranged Doings Unleashed

10. That’s A Wrap!

There were four of us in San Diego, goodbye partying for my buddy’s last day in the Navy. At about 2 am, we hit up a taco stand with a bunch of outdoor tables. As we were sitting down to eat, my friend started elbowing me, pointing, and laughing at three of the biggest cholas you ever saw in your life.

These girls were tatted up, with Crayola eyebrows, tube tops—the whole nine yards—and they were sitting right next to us. My friend thought he was being subtle, but he wasn’t. We were trying hard to ignore him, but the girls noticed. One of them came over to him and said, “Sumptin’ funny? Huh? What, cuz I’m fat? Cuz I’m FAT?”

Every time she said “fat”, she patted her gut and thrust it into his head while he just sat there looking down or at us for help. We were far too busy trying not to escalate the situation with laughter. Eventually, three of the girls surrounded him and were belly-bludgeoning the daylights out of him.

The leader said, “Well, since I’m fat, guess I’ll need to take your burrito”, and she did. Then, they went back to their table, set his nicely wrapped burrito down, and continued their meal. My friend made a weak lunge for his burrito, and she deftly yanked it away and threatened to beat him if he tried again.

She finished her meal, then threw his burrito away and left.

Idonevawannafeel

Deranged Doings UnleashedPxhere

11. Just Ducky

A few mates and I were at a 24-hour Chinese restaurant at 2:30 am. There was a suspicious-looking guy in a trench coat hanging around the front window where they kept their ducks hanging. The guy grabbed one of their ducks, shoved it into his trench coat, ran out of the place, and hailed a cab. One of the chefs saw him and shouted, “Duck”, and ran out after him, followed by about three other guys.

They forced the cab’s doors open. The driver yelled at the guy in the trench coat, “Just give them their duck back!” They dragged the trench coat guy out of the car and knocked the daylights out of him, then took the duck from his trench coat and hung it back up in their window.

Tanookimario0604

Deranged Doings UnleashedPxhere

12. She Was A Cruel Cat

When I was about eight or nine years old, there was a girl who lived a few houses down from me and was around the same age. One time, I saw her flinging around a backpack high into a tree, letting it hit the ground. She was swinging it like a helicopter over her head. I asked her what was inside, and was stunned when she opened it.

A big black long-haired cat ran out! Its eyes were so wide it was terrified. I told my mom, and both of us talked to her parents. I was crying the whole time, but her parents didn’t care. A short time after that, I was walking my dog with my brother past her house, and we heard screaming—like gurgly animal screams.

We walked over, called through the fence, and she invited us over. To our horror, we saw her watching a litter of kittens drowning in her above-ground pool. The few that were still alive were fighting for their lives and screaming. Even my dog was barking; he knew it wasn’t right too.

My brother and I tried to hop in, but she started freaking out on us. Then her crazy dad came out. He started screaming and came at us like he might hit us, so we left, sobbing, shaking, and feeling sick. We talked to our mom about it, and we all cried together. She called the authorities.

I don’t remember seeing her much after that, but I will never forget the look on her face and her demonic laugh as I cried, asking her to stop. I’ll always regret not being braver to save those little babies.

Carpe_Kittens

Deranged Doings UnleashedPexels

13. Smash N’ Bash

Growing up, this kid a couple of years younger than me used to sit alone at the breakfast tables at school, look kids straight in the eyes, and smash little jam packets and milk cartons. When we got older, he destroyed a computer in the computer lab out of nowhere.

When he was 17, he moved in with his grandparents because his parents couldn’t handle him anymore. One day, he went ballistic and took out his grandparent’s cat with a club, beat both of his grandparents, and got into a fiery exchange with the authorities.

They blasted him, and he passed. The craziest part was how we found out about it. After a day at the lake, my buddies and I were hanging out at my buddy’s house. We were randomly reminiscing about how weird this kid was and wondering what had happened to him.

In the middle of this conversation, I was mindlessly scrolling through Facebook and randomly saw a link to a Go Fund Me for his funeral. The room went silent, and we all immediately felt terrible for laughing at this guy who we now knew had passed.

But when we looked into how he lost his life, we didn’t feel bad for him anymore, and we certainly were no longer laughing.

Mirraco323

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14. Backseat Beatdown

One day, when I was back in middle school, I was walking to school.  I was about two streets away when I saw a woman grab a kid off the street and drag him into her van. She beat him, drove off about 150 feet, then pulled over and threw the boy onto the road, and drove off.  I still have no idea why, who she was, and how she thought that was a good idea.

Wrldegg

Deranged Doings UnleashedFreepik, wayhomestudio

15. Poo Poo In The Tutu

I was driving past a suburban train station that had a 40km (25mi) speed limit. I saw a guy in a pink leotard and matching tutu doing a gymnastics routine on the grassed area. Then, he did a handstand with his legs at 90 degrees out to the sides and proceeded to poo out of a hole in the leotard.

It caught my attention enough to say that it looked like he was giving birth to a log. He was also wearing a tiara and had a look of complete concentration on his face. I thought about calling the authorities for a welfare check until I realized that the precinct was right next door, so I just kept driving.

ThePhoenixBird2022

Deranged Doings UnleashedFlickr, sissy samantha clarkson

16. Faced With A Dilemma

I had a patient who was in the hospital for a routine and simple surgery.  The next day, her demeanor changed, and she was extremely angry. She began throwing herself face first into the floor repeatedly. She’d actually dive into it like she was diving into water, but it was a linoleum floor.

She broke her wrist the first time, so we put her in restraints and she’d seem good. We would then take her off the restraints, and she’d do it again. She was not mentally impaired. She was angry at her husband for having a mistress, so she decided to run up her hospital bill to try and bankrupt them both before he could leave her.

MadamePurples

Deranged Doings UnleashedFreepik,tonodiaz

17. What On Earth?

I worked in a dispensary at a pharmacy, and I had a little old lady come in. She was disheveled and had a putrid smell about her, but she was so polite and sweet. The pharmacist and I were worried she wouldn’t read her prescription pamphlets, so I took her into the side room to explain her meds and if she wanted me to make her up a pill box.

She listened to me explain each prescription, and she was very sweet about it all. I helped her make her pill box and arranged for her to come the following week for a follow-up. She told me, “Thanks for helping me. You are so nice. I think you deserve to meet my friends”.

I asked her who her friends were, thinking I would know them, since we served the majority of the elderly population. I’ve never been so wrong. She lifted up her skirt to her upper right thigh, revealing a large crusty open wound. It was a deep gash about 2–3 inches long, running lengthwise down her thigh.

She proceeded to gently stick her fingers in the gash and pull out two earthworms from inside of her leg. She smiled a huge smile and told me their names, Stevie and Hank, and held them up for me to see. I had to put my hand over my mouth, so I wouldn’t scream/vomit, then I pulled out my best acting skills, smiled, and said, “Nice to meet you, Hank and Stevie”.

It took me 30 minutes to convince her not to put Stevie and Hank back into her leg, and that they would be safer and happier in a container full of dirt. She finally allowed me to clean up and bandage her wound once we had her friends in their new home.

After she left, I got social services to make an emergency house call because this lady clearly needed to be supervised and have additional medical support. Thankfully, she was transferred to a care home the following day. I don’t know what happened to Hank and Stevie.

Trumanhazzacatface

Deranged Doings UnleashedFlickr, wormwould

18. Up To His Ears In Poo

When I was in solitary confinement, we had a guy on the wing who was a “thrower”, meaning he liked to throw pee, poo, rotten milk, etc., at the guards when they passed his cell. After a while, they got tired of it, and they mounted a sheet of plexiglass on the front of his cell, with little holes drilled in it for airflow. It worked pretty well since he couldn’t throw stuff anymore.

A week went by, and no one got anything thrown at them. Apparently, during that week, he was thinking, and what he did blew my mind. The man managed to fill a toothpaste tube with his own poo. As the guard was making his rounds, the thrower tried to get the guard’s attention, but he was speaking really softly, so the guard couldn’t hear him.

The guard put his ear up to one of the little holes, and the dude put the toothpaste tube up to the hole and clapped, injecting poo directly into the guard’s ear.

Outside_The_Walls

Deranged Doings UnleashedPexels

19. His Hands Were Tied

I had a patient once who was unable to be let out of full-body gurney restraints. Any time in trials when he was let out with supervision and under heavy sedation, he would immediately claw and cut into his own abdomen with his bare hands and attempt to pull out his intestines and other viscera.

He was non-verbal and essentially comatose while restrained. He only attempted this singular action any time we tried to free a hand. He will live his entire life in full restraints, strapped to a hospital bed in a constant struggle to disembowel himself.

taucarkly

Deranged Doings UnleashedPexels

20. Double Decker Dispute

There were two people fighting at a bus stop. One of them pulled out a large blade and began to cut himself in front of the other guy. He was cutting himself while stepping towards the other guy and screaming, “Come on!”

I didn’t hang around to find out what the outcome was but when I tell people this story who know me, they’re like, “Typical London”. They may have a point, but seeing it first hand was quite scary!

Natasha_JB

Deranged Doings UnleashedFreepik, wayhomestudio

21. Bad Hair Day

When I was at school, my entire year group was crammed into quite a small space, waiting to go into an exam. While we were all waiting, two girls got into a disagreement, seemingly out of nowhere. One of them let out a shriek I have never heard the like of since, and dragged this girl to the floor by her lower lip.

She then lifted her whole body back up by a handful of hair. Once this girl stood back up, the other girl grabbed a piece of hair near the girl’s ear—probably a couple of centimeters worth—wrapped it around her finger, and pulled it until it came out.

It was so out of nowhere and happened so fast, it really freaked me out at the time. The girl being besieged didn’t stand a chance.

quellerosien

Deranged Doings UnleashedFreepik, azerbaijan_stockers

22. Class Cutout

I was in third grade, and a new girl asked to borrow my scissors, so of course, I let her. That was a big mistake. I handed her the scissors, and she immediately started slicing her forearm from elbow to wrist. There was blood pouring out of her arm, getting all over her hand and the desk.

I was shocked, but luckily, our teacher was there pretty fast and got her out of the classroom. Then my mom, who was the teacher next door, brought us all to her classroom. Only a few of us saw what had happened, and surprisingly, we kept our little third-grade mouths shut about it.

omglookawhale

Deranged Doings UnleashedPexels

23. Fowl Neighbor

I was a young kid in a group of other kids. We curiously gathered around a baby bird that had fallen out of its nest but didn’t seem to be injured. It was small, fluffy, precious, and defenseless. We all wondered what we should do to help it.

Then, without any warning or hesitation, the next-door neighborhood kid, who was about four or five years old, intentionally stomped on it and destroyed it. I remember thinking that boy was pure evil.

hovnohead

Deranged Doings UnleashedPexels

24. Whopper Of A Wacko

Back in college, there was a local crazy woman who was around campus. I was not sure if she was homeless, but she didn’t seem to be. She clearly had some undiagnosed mental issues or didn’t take her medication. She was always hiding her face and would turn sideways if she noticed you looking her way.

One day, I was in a Burger King near campus with a small group of people. The woman was behind us in line. We basically ignored her until one person in the group turned around and said, “I can see you”. I have never before—or since—seen someone flip out so badly.

I imagine someone might have the same reaction if you threw acid in their face or if they were on fire. She was screaming like she was in pain. After a few minutes, she just started yelling some really weird stuff, and throwing anything and everything she could—not at people, but just in the air and all over the place.

The authorities showed up and ultimately got her out. The guy in our group was never allowed back in.

Stay-Thirsty

Deranged Doings UnleashedPexels

25. Off The Rails

My walk to work every morning crossed a cargo rail line. It wasn’t often used anymore, but there was a tunnel for it, and it was a haven for homeless folk, which made sense, as it was an escape from the rain. One morning, I crossed it and came across a horrifying scene. A dude had seemingly passed out on the track overnight. A train came, took off both his arms, and he bled out.

Dangercakes13

Deranged Doings UnleashedPxhere

26. Back It Up

When I first started getting into bad stuff as a young man, an older gentleman and I went to go pick up some dope together on a back road out in the boonies. We pulled up, and the guy walked down his driveway and handed us the bag. As we drove away, my friend opened the bag, took out a bit and realized it was just balled-up toe and fingernails. He put the car in reverse, backed over the guy, and drove away.

ripyourlungsdave

Deranged Doings UnleashedPexels

27.  Left Tongue Tied

When I was a junior resident at a hospital, I witnessed a patient who was brought in with blood gushing out of their mouth. The patient was apparently in a fight, and the other person bit a part of her tongue off and threw it out of the window.

Both the ladies who were involved in the incident were probably inmates of a mental institution. The staff who had brought in the patient had searched for that ripped-off piece of tongue, put it inside a plastic bag, and gave it to us to reattach.

mintcutlet

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28. Pastry Cutter

Many years ago, I worked in a food factory. I’ll never forget the day it turned into a horror show. Pastry was produced in huge amounts and put into massive metal bowls ready to be used. To get the pastry from the bowl, you rolled big balls towards you until you had enough to put into the next machine.

Some maniac had placed loads of razor blades in the pastry. The woman rolling the pastry was cut to ribbons. She never ever came back to work, unsurprisingly.

floydie1962

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29. The Coach Sacked Him Good

My football coach destroyed our starting quarterback’s Division 1 offers because they got into an argument mid-season. While the main starters were getting offers, he was always wondering why he wasn’t. The last day of his senior year, the coach smiled and handed over the 20+ offers he had, but all too late.

The coach had been telling schools he wasn’t interested in going. To this day, I think the player would take him out if they crossed paths.

Flbudskis

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30. A Bird In Hand

I was walking out of my hostel, heading to the airport to fly back home to London. On the other side of the street I saw a homeless man. This man was crouched down, stock-still, with an ever-growing circle of pigeons around him. He suddenly jumped back up to his feet, and the pigeons all scattered. All except one.

He was holding one pigeon in his hands. He stuffed it into his inside coat pocket and shuffled on his way. I presumed that would be his lunch.

Sufficient-Law1643

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31. Call Me Crazy

I was the store manager for a Metro by T-Mobile in a mall. That specific store had glass doors and windows on the whole front half of the store. I had a customer get super mad that we didn’t have a specific phone, so they decided to take a chair from the food court and smash our windows. They felt that was the best way to vent their anger.

Mac_nocheeze

Deranged Doings UnleashedShutterstock

32.  Not An A-Peeling Habit

One morning on the subway heading into work, I saw an older woman sit down and take a pear—or something like that—out of a bag that she was presumably going to eat for breakfast. Instead of just taking a bite, this woman dragged her teeth across the skin of this fruit, effectively peeling it, only to spew the skin into her other hand before digging into said fruit.

The whole act was something that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. It doesn’t sound all that bad as I described it, but the “peeling”, the spewing out and holding of the skin in her hand instead of using the now empty bag, and the passion in which this woman did this all gave me the creeps.

billyratz

Deranged Doings UnleashedPxhere

33. Local Law Enforcing Lunatics

I was part of a patrol to rescue a small Afghani boy from the local law enforcement agency we installed in the city. We took upstanding locals from the city, trained them, equipped them, and enabled them to keep the peace in the area. The Afghani Army and the Allied forces would assist them, but their main job was local law enforcement.

The idea was that locals taken and trained to protect their own hometown would have a sense of pride, and be more effective. For the most part, that was true. Then, one day, a woman walked up to our base with her hands raised, and begged us to give back her son. She told us that five days prior, the authorities we built up in the city took her son, claiming they had a right to him.

The captain sent a platoon out to get to the bottom of it. I was added to that patrol, as were medics, a civil affairs team, and a HUMINT team. We conducted an inspection, and they didn’t even go to great lengths to keep us from finding him. They had him tied up in a dark room and he hadn’t been fed. They had also been accosting him.

He looked to be between 10–13 years old. The officers argued against us, and claimed the boy was their right. The lieutenant of the platoon told them they were out of their minds and he was taking the boy. Most of the force quit right there. Most of us in the patrol thought we were going to be stuck in a firefight at that moment, but it didn’t happen.

The quick reaction force from our outpost met us at the nearest road they could get to, and picked up the boy. We then walked back to the outpost, expecting the local authorities to start a fight the whole way back, but it didn’t happen. The medivac helicopters took off as we made it back. We also tracked down the rest of the boy’s immediate family, and they were all relocated out of the city.

The next few days were volatile. The fired officers went on a mission to find the rest of the boy’s family, or anyone they thought could have ratted them out to us. They were willing to enact harm on anyone other than the US or Afghani Army to get their revenge. The people in the city ultimately blamed us for letting it happen; after all, we had trained and armed them. We did not win many hearts or minds with that program.

DrnkDMTip

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34. Sitting Ducks

I was driving to work and I saw a jerk in a big SUV deliberately swerve to hit a duck and her ducklings that were standing on the side of the road. I stopped to see if any were left alive, but they weren’t. I reported him to the authorities and he was charged with multiple counts of animal cruelty.  There was even still blood and feathers on the underside of his truck when the officers caught up with him.

Lunavixen15

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35. A Losing Battle

I worked at a gas station years ago; one of the cooler doors had a full mirror on it. I was working a graveyard shift and someone came in with a gun. They were waving it around and threatening me. They told me to grab all the money I could while they grabbed all the six-packs they could.

When they walked past the cooler with the mirror, they flicked at it and started hollering. They were yelling, “Put that piece down, boi!” and, “I’ll cap you if you don’t put it down”, as well as various other hilarious nonsense. I watched as they were in a battle with themselves in the mirror. They grew extremely paranoid, then blasted the mirror.

After I heard the pop, I ducked down behind the counter, and only remembered hearing their shoes running out the store a few seconds later. I waited a few minutes, then called the authorities and my manager.

honeybutterbuscuit

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36. First Responder Freak Out

I lived across from a daycare hospital for mentally ill people. One day, when I was coming back from work, a guy who usually smoked outside the front door ran and did the unthinkable: he threw himself under a truck, right in front of me. Luckily, the truck saw him run and had time to slow down enough so he just got knocked out on the floor.

I immediately put him in the safety position and called an ambulance. They arrived, but one of the medics was angry. This was the guy’s third attempt at taking his life that year and the medic was angry he had to drive all the way there for him, again.

He was like “He’s doing it on purpose or what?” I think the medic shocked me more than the poor dude who tried to take his life.

HauntedHautistic

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37. A Dash Of Salt

Once, at Applebee’s, I saw an older lady order two of the fried fish meals. The food arrived and she asked for a side plate. I thought, “Oh, she’s going to share it with the others at the table”, but no. She popped the top off the salt shaker and emptied it onto the plate. She then dipped her fish in the salt as if it was sauce. I was left wondering what her other eating habits were.

admire816

Deranged Doings UnleashedPxhere

38. Blowout On The Bayou

I made the mistake of traveling to New Orleans with a friend and my friend’s friend—who I did not know very well—in his truck. We traveled around for a couple of days, having a good time, eating good food, and visiting local attractions. Then, while we were driving to another part of town, we got rear-ended—bumper-kissed really.

We pulled over and the friend of a friend waved the other car to the curb. The other driver didn’t want to deal with it, so they tried to drive on saying, “There’s no damage, dude. It’s cool”.  The friend of a friend wasn’t having that, so he started following the other car.  In response, they sped up. Next thing I knew we’re in an all-out, movie-style car chase through the streets of New Orleans.

Everyone was screaming for him to stop, but he was determined to catch this car, not thinking of the consequences. Finally, he rear ended them, driving them off the road and wrecking his truck. There we were, stranded in another city with a destroyed vehicle, and one of us had basically committed a serious offense. It was a miracle nobody went to prison that day.

My only goal was to get back to my parents’ house. The friend of a friend was very confused as to why I wanted to leave. He was ready to get a rental car and continue the trip. That’s when I realized how deranged he really was; like, actually psychopathic.

BenjamintheFox

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39. What Happens In Vegas…

I was working law enforcement in Las Vegas during a full moon—that should have been my first clue that it was going to be a weird night. I was on the graveyard shift when we got a call about a little girl acting erratically, damaging city property, and stopping traffic. Myself and three other officers arrived on the scene.

When I first caught sight of her, I observed a woman with a very petite build, not a child. She was bashing her head into a metal advertisement enclosure, running over to the next one, doing the same thing, and repeating. She had five friends following behind her—including her boyfriend—who were all visibly concerned about her well-being and afraid of her, so they were keeping their distance.

Upon making contact, I observed something unnerving. She was foaming at the mouth and had lacerations on her forehead and on both of her fists. While foaming at the mouth is usually an indicator of OD, rabies, or a seizure, I had never seen somebody still up and running around while foaming at the mouth.

She was completely incoherent and making what I can only describe as caveman noises that seemed like way too deep of a voice for a tiny woman. The metal she hit with her head was dented pretty good. We called for medical help right away and three other officers and I attempted to detain her for her own safety and the safety of others, while we waited for the paramedics to check her out as her health was our priority.

She immediately became even more combative, shaking off two male officers—both 200+lbs and strong—who were attempting to detain her, which shocked all of us. Myself and the fourth officer joined in to help, and after more struggling, we were eventually able to detain her safely.

Medical personnel had already arrived on scene at that point and we uncuffed her so we could assist loading her onto their stretcher, which had velcro straps for both her hands and feet. As she thrashed and shook, the four of us plus the two paramedics, all worked together to try to get her onto the stretcher.

It took some time and a lot of struggle. Once she was all strapped in, she somehow thrashed so hard, the stitching of one of her leg straps came undone and she proceeded to knock the oxygen tank off of the end of the stretcher and broke it. The sheer amount of strength she exhibited was superhuman and frightening, and combined with her noises, she seemed truly possessed.

As the dust settled and we began getting witness statements from her boyfriend and friends, her OTHER boyfriend showed up. They didn’t know about each other, and the two went from screaming at each other to looking at her through the back of the open ambulance doors with heartache.

One of them just walked away. Her eyes were open, but I’m sure she was too out of it to realize her two boyfriends just found out about each other. Between witness statements and her toxicology report, it was concluded that she was on a mixture of powder, booze, Vicodin, and a large amount of bath salts.

From what the EMT told me the following week, she suffered a concussion and some lacerations, but was otherwise physically okay the next afternoon. She was not charged with anything. Some people just can’t handle Vegas!

NocturnalNoggin

Deranged Doings UnleashedPexels

40. He Bet The Ranch

I used to drink a lot with my buddy Dan. Dan had a girlfriend at the time and their relationship was crazy. They would go from zero to 60, screaming and threatening to making out and ripping each other’s clothes off. They were a couple of nut jobs for sure.

One day, Dan and I were passing time at the local watering hole. It was wing night, so we were both comfortably tipsy and full of wings, when his girlfriend came in and started yelling at him. She dropped her phone on the table in the process. A couple of bar regulars who were familiar with these occurrences and I were watching, commenting, and getting ready to interfere if things went south.

The girlfriend was RAGING. She threw his drink in his face, smacked him, and was screaming at the top of her lungs. Just as we started to walk over, Dan—who had been enduring this with a stone face and a silent fortitude—grabbed her phone, dipped it DEEP into his ranch dressing, and stuck it in his mouth, licking all the dressing off.

He repeated the maneuver once more before his girlfriend, understandably stunned, grabbed her now blank-screened ranch phone, and exited the bar.

issacoin

Deranged Doings UnleashedPexels

41. Smartie Pants

When I was in high school, a classmate brought in a pack of Smarties candy and, under the table, was sorting out the white ones from everything else. He casually made a row of them behind his book where the teacher couldn’t see. Then, he slipped his library card out of his pocket and started slowly and quietly crushing them to powder behind his book.

I sat next to him. I asked if he was going to do what I thought he was going to do, and he nodded. I asked if he was going to use cash to do it, but he said he was broke. I took out $20, and told him to give it back afterward. He quietly rolled it into a tube. The teacher was asking questions around the room.

When he got to the person next to this kid, he moved his book out of the way. He then used his library card to neatly make a long powdery line on the top of the black table we sat at, as the teacher froze in place unsure what to do.  He then made direct eye contact with the teacher while using the rolled up $20 to snort the line.

Snorting the Smarties was not the deranged bit. Him making sure that the teacher was watching, and making direct eye contact while snorting the line was.

Disposable_Gonk

Deranged Doings UnleashedFlickr, Lesley~B

42. He Went At It Tooth And Nail

I was riding the bus and was sitting next to an unhoused man, which wasn’t a big deal or even that uncommon. He was looking a bit ragged, and more specifically, he was barefoot. He started picking at his toenails, really getting in there. He put his foot up on his seat and went for it.

As he sat plucking his dirty toenails, he began to attract a bit of attention from everyone around him. We all watched in dismay as he ripped the edges of one of his big toenails, and began peeling it like the world’s stinkiest orange.

By the time he successfully unsheathed the toenail in question, just about everyone on that bus was watching.But then, it got even more vomit-inducing. Without a moment of hesitation, this guy raised that jagged hook of a toenail to his lips and started using it as a toothpick. One by one, the occupants of the bus felt their mouths open in horror.

He threaded his dirty toenail clipping back and forth between his two front teeth, and we were mesmerized; we couldn’t look away. I was sitting closest to him and had the clearest view of the whole ordeal. I couldn’t move or breathe. That scene lives on in the collective memories of everyone who had the misfortune of taking that bus that day.

goaskalexdotcom

Deranged Doings UnleashedFlickr, Me

43. School Day Disorder

When I was in Grade 10, there was a kid in Grade 9 who nobody liked.  He was one of those kids who used a diagnosis to his advantage. He had what you would call entry level ADHD, the symptoms of which are hard to deal with, but not debilitating. He liked to sit away from everyone at lunch, but it was more like everyone wanted to sit away from him, and for good reason.

One of the better teachers in the school was on lunch duty one day and spotted him in a place that was marked as “off-bounds”. When told to go find a spot that wasn’t off-bounds, he initially refused, but the teacher was genuinely a good man, so he sat and tried to explain to him why as much as he wanted to let him sit there, he couldn’t.

This went on for a little bit until they both got up and started walking, and talking. We couldn’t tell what was being said, but we had a view of them pretty much the whole way they walked. Just when they were almost out of sight, the kid flipped out for some reason. He punched the teacher right in the face and began screaming, punching walls, doors, even other kids.

He messed up when he went to punch another kid who had a severe case of autism. That kid literally ripped his shirt off and went Donkey Kong on him. The autistic kid chased him all the way to the admin building, where he barricaded himself in. Three office ladies were punched and the vice principal was kicked when they tried to calm him down.

The kid with severe autism had more self-control than the brat who had, at best, mild ADHD, because he then took it upon himself to smash everything in the office that was made of glass—all the windows, even the glass security screen. His parents were liable for around $15K worth of damage repairs.

EmploymentOk3937

Deranged Doings UnleashedPexels

44. She Was Out Of Her Mind

I was out with my girlfriend one night and a friend’s wife started hitting on me right in front of everyone. I politely rebuffed her advances but she was relentless and I eventually had to get rude. The next day, she took things to a whole other—terrifying—level.

She attempted to go at my girlfriend with a blade while I was at work. My girlfriend called the authorities and they took her away. Then, she came back the next day and did it again—and the next and the next, until they finally locked her up for a few months.

It turned out that she had been humiliated when I turned her down and got it in her head that she had to off my girlfriend to save face. It was REALLY screwed up.

iconoclast63

Deranged Doings UnleashedPexels

45. Rotten Neighbor

My neighbor—the landlord’s daughter—who lived directly downstairs in the same three-family house was nuts. They pounded on their ceiling whenever we walked on the old floor that squeaked. They were full of drama and I used to have nightmares that she was going to burn the house down.

When she finally got booted out for the second time, she left a fridge full of rotting meat and food.

Chocolatefix

Deranged Doings UnleashedWikimedia Commons

46. She Was A Crazy Old Coot

I was walking out of the library in a small town upstate with my father and stepmother. A really old lady was walking along the road past the parking area next to the library. She saw my parents and said, “Oh, what a beautiful couple, is this your son?” My dad replied, “Yes. Thank you”. Then the old lady said,  “He’s not your only one, is he?”

My dad responded, “Actually, yes”. Then, the old lady started in, saying, “Oh, well you really should have more, the white race is in danger”. We stopped for a beat. My stepmom and I were stunned but my dad just kept the conversation going, saying, “Oh, but I think it’s good that everybody mixes. I think that’s a good thing for people to be with whoever they want”.

The old lady’s face got very nasty all of a sudden and she looked at us with the evil eye, and said, “Well, you don’t know ANYTHING do you?” My dad just waved, and told her to have a nice day and we got into the car and left. She was quite deranged.

FragRackham

Deranged Doings UnleashedPexels

47. Barroom Barfer

I was in a bar when some guys got into an argument. The aggressor got booted out, and the guy who he had started the argument with went to the bar, and everyone continued. As I was going outside for a smoke, I saw the non-aggressor going out the door. The aggressor was waiting outside and jumped him.

That’s when the dude did the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. He immediately stuffed his fingers down his own throat and vomited on the aggressor. It was a straight-up defense mechanism puke. Then the guy took off. It was one of the wildest things I’ve ever seen.

Vinylcrankhead

Deranged Doings UnleashedFreepik,Racool_studio

48. Out In The Cold

Many years ago, I was with my dad in downtown Edmonton on X-mas Day buying my girlfriend last-minute earrings. It was -30C (-22F). We stopped at a sub shop to grab lunch, and as we were eating, I suddenly spotted something that put a stunned look on my face. My dad asked why I looked so perplexed, so I told him to turn around and see for himself.

There was a 6’4″ man, completely in the buff, trunk waving in the cold winter air, barefoot, walking down the street outside. People were chasing him with blankets, trying to cover him, but he shook them off and kept marching. I found out later in the newspaper that he had lost his job and snapped.

krushgruuv

Deranged Doings UnleashedPexels

49.  Something Fueled His Insanity

I was a brand new firefighter. I had responded to a call about a traffic accident at the local gas station. We didn’t think it was going to be a big deal, but we were so wrong. The guy ran a vacuum tube from his exhaust into his car and sat in the driver’s seat drinking a half gallon of booze.

Right before he passed out, he jammed a putter against the gas pedal and drove into the gas station. He ran over an old lady and a truck—with kids inside—and mowed down a fuel pump. The theory was he was trying to blow himself up.

Apprehensive_Rip8403

Deranged Doings UnleashedPexels

50. One Foot Out The Door

When I was 14, I had some neighbors who had about 10 kids. I would ride snowmobiles with two of the younger kids during the winter. I went over one morning and had to wait for them to get ready. While I sat at the table waiting, I could hear some moans coming from upstairs.

I asked what was going on and no one said anything. A moment later, the youngest son said, “Show him, mommy”. The mom went to the fridge and pulled out a piece of toilet paper. She set it on the table in front of me and unrolled it. To my surprise, it was a baby’s leg with a toenail formed on the big toe.

She explained to me that one of their middle-aged daughters had an abortion earlier in the week and when she got home she was not feeling well. When she went to the bathroom, “this fell out of her”. I got up, walked out, got on my sled, and went home. I told my parents about it a few days later.

Apparently, the rumor mill in our small town was running rampant with stories about how the girl was impregnated by her older brother, one of the kids I used to ride with. The image of that leg with the toenail is still in my memory. It’s not like the mom saved the leg to go back at the doctor for malpractice. She kept it as a talking point.

Re-lar-Kvothe

Deranged Doings UnleashedFreepik, cookie_studio