Will You Be There For Me?
“You should ask a thousand questions to someone you’re going to marry. A million. What if you saw an injured baby deer by the side of the road? What if your father left your mother when she had cancer and your mother was alone? What if you won fifty-thousand dollars? What if we had a four-year-old who poured a glass of milk into your hard drive? What if we had a baby who wouldn’t stop crying? What if we had only $400.00 in our bank account and I wanted to go away for the weekend, but we needed new tires for the car? What if you are suddenly hit with depression? What if I am? What if I start drinking too much in the afternoon? What if we meet a great new couple we really like, but the guy flirts with me? What if I start/stop wanting to go to church? What if you hate your new job and want to quit without another one? What if I do? What if you get a hobby that takes you away every weekend? What would that hobby be? Do you like to go out and party or stay home? Do you like to go camping or clubbing? What do you think about abortion? Why do you think people decide to be vegetarian? What do you think about those people? What if our son has trouble making friends? What if our daughter has autism? What if we plan on not having children but I get pregnant and want to keep the baby? What if your mom doesn’t like me? What if my mom doesn’t like you? What if one of us loses our job and we have to move to a small apartment that doesn’t have air conditioning? What if I think our kids would do better in private school? What if one of us gets an illness that prohibits intercourse for months at a time? What if I can’t live in a house without a cat? What if you want four big dogs that shed all the time? Can you stand the thought of living in a city? The country? The suburbs?
Marriage is about a million different compromises. Things that you will never think to ask will come up. Life will fucking punch you in the stomach sometimes. What you really need to know is: Do you love me? Do you respect me? Will you be there for me? Can I count on you? Will we decide things together or will you try to decide them for me? Can we compromise effectively? Are each of us prepared to give more when the other person is only able to give less? But do we promise to give as much as we can?
And finally, can we communicate things to each other as we go? Do we promise not to retreat, feelings hurt, to our side of the bed and close off, but to express our feelings and try to work things out?
(Married 22 years.)”